by Edith Boyer-Telmer
the other day I found this refreshing article from Suzanne Kammer about things that guys do, that drive independent women away from their relationships. After we all have been going thru the collective healing of the divine masculine within, that the Equinox energies have brought upon us; and the recent triggering of the Twin Flame healing into the threefold inner flame of divinity; I feel that many things she mentions are not only true for independent girls, but collectively needed to create the co-creative connections we desire for the Golden Age of Aquarius. So no matter if you are a guy who is seeking to develop a broader understanding about women, a woman in relationship who failed so far to communicate this needs, or open for something new to come… this are valuable tips what to watch out for!! And as I did it before, I posted here the original article with my comments in color, below every section!
If there’s one thing an independent girl refuses to give up, it’s her independence. While these types of women may be seen as intimidating or cold, they’re often just misunderstood by men who are looking for a woman that can feed their ego. An independent woman is looking for a man that is as secure as she is – a man that knows the difference between wanting and needing another person. There’s a certain type of man that can date an independent woman, but if he’s doing any of these things, the relationship is not likely to last long.
A personal message to all my facebook friends!! FB is limiting the distribution of my posts daily more. If you resonate with my articles and are used to find my work shared in a group, rather sign up on my newsletter here to make sure you get the information!!! Just type in your e-mail address in the prepared field!! Over time I might not be able to put in the FB time, if it does not lead to what it is about – SPREADING THE WORD ;-)!1. Asking her to hang out every day
We will survive if we don’t see you every day. We’d even be okay if we had to spend a week apart. But the second you try to take up all our time and not give us our space when we need it, we’re going to feel smothered. And there’s nothing we hate more than that.
Funny enough I just recently had an experience like that during my holiday at the beach. It was like watching a whole relationship unfold in front of me, within the period of 6 hours. Met a guy at the buffet, shared a coffee and talked a while; went our ways.. met again and enjoyed spending more time… separated again.. did our things and the next time we met (between 9am in the morning and 3pm in the afternoon), he had developed the idea of having a RIGHT to CLAIM and DEMAND my time, space and presence… SERIOUSLY…
And girls, if you see him do that within 6 hours.. JUST WALK AWAY… no matter how cute, sexy, interesting or otherwise attractive he is for you!!
2. Getting upset when she travels alone
We crave new experiences and adventure, we like being alone with our own thoughts and we are comfortable striking up a conversation even when we don’t know a single person in another country. These are qualities an independent girl values about herself. And if you try and throw her down for them, you can kiss her goodbye.
If you are not jet in an relationship but are training your senses to translate a higher understanding of what you really need, so you can identify a good partner when you meet one, this is an important thing to watch. For all the journey of traveling life together, a true partner knows when to step back and let the other live their natural powers, and when to step in – because the situation requires theirs!! This is something couples learn to harmonize over time, by listening well to the vibration of the partner and the situation.
3. Being overprotective
We’ve likely been on our own for a while. We can fend for ourselves. We’re looking for a partner, not a second father.
I totally agree with her “looking for a partner, not a father” part, and apart from that, there is so much more for me in the wrong type of protection. I feel the feminist few of “I can do it all for myself” has also harmed us in our ability to allow being pampered, taken care of and treated lovingly by the ones we care for, so I like being protected on that level. But than over my lifetime I saw masculine protection turn within the blink of an eye into control, domineering, belittling and overpowering – and that does not harmonize with equality and co-creation!!4. Making her feel guilty when she takes a day to herself
Sometimes we just want a day to ourselves. Don’t be offended if we choose a night in with Netflix over seeing you. It has nothing to do with how we feel about you and everything to do with how we feel about ourselves. We value our alone time and, heck, sometimes we absolutely need it.
This in my eyes is a matter of self-knowledge and self-care, and needs to be communicated in clarity. So many people by now are aware that they carry the traits of an empath, that they are Indigo Children, Crystal Children, Highly Sensitive, introverts, or..or.. or…, and all this personality types have an elevated need for official “alone time”. For many of this people it is even necessary that nobody is physically present in the same space (that can be simply a room, a whole house, a complete property), so they can deeply open up to energetic regeneration with the divine source direct. So if we know all that, it is our responsibility to communicate it to our partner in a way, that they can understand and respect our needs!?
5. Trying to do everything for her
We can change our own light bulb, carry our own groceries and drive ourselves, thank you very much.
Here again I sense a bit to much anger and feminism for my personal taste. I really don’t have to carry my groceries home – while my partner with the naturally stronger muscles – walks home next to me without bags!! I also enjoy being picked up, taking of my shoes immediately, putting up my feed on the cars dashboard and have a relaxed ride home, chatting away; while my partner drives us home, no problem with that. The only thing unhealthy is when a man implyes with words or energetically that I lost my ability to do this things for myself, because he appeared in my life!! Also that is not coherent with equality!!
6. Being jealous
We are going to talk to who we want and hang out with who we want. We want to be trusted and the last thing we need is an insecure man who makes us constantly check in with them or interrogates us like we’re at a job interview.
Well I agree with her on the “checking in and interrogation” parts, not on the general topic. If we desire to have deeply soul touching relationships, than we have to be capable to move on from stereo types!! It is one thing to say I am not interested in a partner that is willing to control me – but that is easily done by choosing a person who trusts themselves, but there also has to be space to express in an appropriate way if particular behaviors of our partner trigger us in our insecurities. If not we are not providing a safe space for growth for another, and the relationship starts limiting instead of expanding us!7. Telling her she can’t do something
We’re sorry, but we don’t recall asking for permission.
Noting else to say but “AGREED” on that one ;-)!
8. Taking her away from her family or friends
When you weren’t around, family and friends were our everything. We’re not about to give that up. We value our relationships with the people who are important to us. Even when we have a boyfriend, we still need time for the ones who have been there since day one.
Again this is simple self-responsibility, nobody can take anyone away from someone, we always have a part in that! Situations like that are about control, power and emtional safety, not an expression of love!
9. Wanting to come everywhere with her
We are perfectly comfortable going out to get food alone. We can attend a wedding without a date. And we don’t need you to be our body guard every time we go out dancing with friends.
That’s the same than number one.
10. Putting down her hobbies
You don’t have to like our hobbies or even take part in them, but you better respect them. There’s no bigger turnoff than a man who discourages you and can’t support what you’re passionate about.
I think this is another important topic to take a deeper look at. Why at all partnering with somebody who has the need to discourage us at all?? How can that serve the partnership? How will that bring passion, beauty and natural desire for the mutually created projects (including reproduction) into the mix?? And again bringing others down is about feeling higher up.. so no equality in this team!
11. Needing constant reassurance
We need a man who can be secure about our relationship even if we don’t make you feel needed all the time. The truth is, we don’t need you. We’re completely fine on our own. What’s important is that we actually want you.
I agree very much with the “ we don’t need you” and “what’s important is that we actually want you” parts and, if we demand from our partner that he never feels insecure, just because he is born male, than we are simply stuck in stereo types!!
12. Paying all the time
You know we work too, right?
I feel that is totally a matter of agreement and has to be arranged between every couple individually. When we are developed enough to desire an authentic co-creative love relationship, maybe even meet a Twin Flame partner, we can’t get stuck in fights about money – that is ridiculous! Real partner work together, they talk and make the arrangement that fits for their personal situation. No society colored opinion needed here!!!
13. Not having a life outside of her
We know there are three aspects to a relationship- the me, the you and the us. We like a man who knows how to take care of the ‘you’. We want you to have your own hobbies, take a weekend trip with the guys and do things for yourself once in a while.
This I found interesting because I feel that when we truly are independent beings (no matter if man or woman), we don’t attract people who are not!! A self-sustainable woman (who learned to feed her emotional, mental, spiritual and physical body herself, will naturally attract a man who also knows about the 1+1=3!!! So if you feel like the author in your relation right now, ask yourself where your have not quite developed true independence jet!
14. Being too traditional when it comes to gender roles
We can pay for our own dinner, put together our own piece of furniture and even work after giving birth.
Just a repetition of 1, 3, 9 and 12.
15. Moving too fast
We didn’t get this independent overnight. We’re likely used to being on our own and it may take a little while for us to get used to having someone else around. We are secure enough on our own that we don’t need someone to tell us they love us on the second date, we don’t need to meet your parents tomorrow and we aren’t going to move in with you next week.
Haha.. this actually is perfectly explained by my answer of number 1.Dear Ones, I hope you enjoyed the read, had maybe a good laugh about one or the other familiar theme, and all in all got inspired to take a good deep look at the reality and insides of your relationship life so far!! May the information bring blessings and seeds of new beginnings and divine manifestations to you, and may you feel strong to take your self-love to the next level. The energies are strong and the universe is sending us the winds of change on the way, while we are walking into the Golden Age of Humanity!!
Love and Blessings!!
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