How to create long-lasting relationships – The scientific proof from the Gottman’s!!

aDear Soul Union Seeker, True-Lover and Hopeful!
Have you ever heard of John Gottman and his wife Julie?? Well in case not, he is a big relationship and sexuality guru who actually revolutionized our common understanding of the human body, the physical activity during the feminine orgasm (he proofed that it is a powerful force of nature, that unfolds in an internal process – extremely personal and collective at the same time “like every beautiful, divine paradox ;-)”) and the core values, that build lasting love partnerships.
The Gottman’s became famous in the 60es for a study on sexuality that enabled John Gottman to predict if newlyweds would make it as a couple, within spending less than an hour  with the two people. The American TV-Show hit “Masters of Sex – Love and Relationship” is based on this work. Totally enjoyable and recommendable show!! He currently released another study, that he developed with his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman. A study that might just have the answer to our many lifetime long quest of asking: WHAT MAKES LOVE LAST?

And despite of all our internal complexity, soul searching, psychological studies and romantic ideas, the answer is quite simple. All it takes is a truthful exchange of kindness and, what the Gottman’s called, “regular positive respond in our interactions”.
What that means is simple enough explained:
Let’s say you are at home in your living-room – your partner is present doing his tings. You are looking out of the window and see an amazingly beautiful sunset rising on the horizon. Filled with bliss, gratitude and good vibrations, you turn to your partner and say “have you seen this magnificent colors, the beauty is breath taking, nearly overwhelming!!” The Gottman’s called this a “bid”, which is a request for a response – in the hope of a small connection between the two of you. A connection that allows you to feel, that on this particular topic – you share the same worldview, values or perception.
But a bit is not only a request, but also an invitation for the partner – an invitation for another moment of shared intimacy. Your partner now has the choice, how to respond to this request for his time and attention.
Your partner can choose to look up and say “wow! You are right! This is amazing! Glad you pointed it out!” or what ever words of agreement, recognition, positive respond. The Gottman’s named this moment “turning toward” – indicating, that in such a moment the natural respond of the physical body is, to turn toward the object you respond too.a2Or, he can choose to stay engaged in what ever he is doing. Just mutter something, to let you know he heard that you where talking at all. Or worse of all, remain silent and unresponsive. That is something we internally experience as “turning away”.
Now that might not seam that important or significant, to destroy a true love relationship – but it indeed is? According to the results of the Gottman study, the consequences are spreading deep into the roots of our relationship foundation.
In fact it shows that:
Couples who got divorced within the time span of their six-year follow up, had “turn-toward bids” of 33 percent. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” of 87 percent. You don’t have to have studied the field to understand, that when your bids for connection rarely find responds, there comes a point where you stop trying.
The study explained it this way:
“People who give their partner the cold shoulder – deliberately ignoring the partner or responding minimally… not only kill the love in the relationship, but they also kill their partner’s ability to fight off viruses and cancers.” Contemplate that one!!
Clearly the most difficult situation to turn toward a bid, is when we experience stress, are in an argument or a heated discussion. AND especially in this moments of your relationship, it is most important to do exactly that. By developing the ability to hold space for your partner, you’re flexing your muscle of kindness – and kindness is the major predictor of a long-lasting relationship.

But, kindness is not the only ingredient in the pot. The second predictor of a long lasting love relation is the sharing of joy. In particular the  joy you feel over each others triumphs, accomplishments and gains. To feel happiness, support and even pride for the partners win’s in life, creates the space needed to keep being brave and courageous with our life-path decisions.
The Gottmans discoveries are based on over four decades of scientific research. The intent was not to look for evidence of different needs or behavior pattern between the sexes, but to get data about the nature of human beings in relationships.
Therefor the results are as relevant for the creation of long lasting love-relationships, as they are for your behavior with  family members, in friendships, work-relations and so on… They concern MAN and WOMAN EQUALLY!!
In essence our human existence on this beautiful planet is not possible without interaction with others… therefor, everything in our life is about relationship!!
a1So, pep up your behavior!! See if you can find it within you, to truly engage with your partner. Develop the clarity it takes, to truly be present in all your human interactions and don’t zoom out, like described in yesterdays post “Learn to feel your woman (or you will probably loose her)“.
And if it should be that you are one of the blessed souls, who came to reunite with a soul flame, a twin flame or longtime soul partner, know that every fiber of their being will be wired to “WANTING TO RESPOND” to you. When you meet people who belong to your soul tribe or soul family, you will experience a beautiful ping-pong game of BEING TOGETHER – where non of the players ever get tired of being engaged in interaction with the others.
I wish you awareness and devotion in the creation of our developing  New World relationships!!!
Blessings and Love

More theme relate articles you find here: Spiritual Awakening, Learn to be masters of loveLearn how to feel your woman, Wild Woman, Choose her every day (or leave her).

Please feel INVITED to share this post, just keep all credits and links active!! THANKS!!


From “Calling the Animals” to the Lion’s Gate : A Journey in Raising Consciousness

264467 african animals

Dear Friends,
today is the peek of the  Lion’s Gate 8/8/8… a most important start-gate in this amazing year of change.A chance for re-connection to our authentic personal power and the excess to divine abundance from within.
It’s a good day to  spend some time in solitude resting, contemplating the beauty and abundance already in our life. A day to lay low and allow your physical body to drink from the endless flow of divine light, that is purring in from source especially intense today.

Use the chance to consciously align yourself with the next step of human evolution into the Golden Age of Aquarius!! A world of experienced singularity within the oneness!
Blessings! Edith
In this period of 2015 we are most certainly in a Wave of powerful transformational energy.  Our lives and our Reality is being changed at a very fast pace and in ways that we are often still coming to terms with. I think that the most recent wave of changes has been the most definitive and also maybe the most surprising.
It has to do with our fellow citizens on the Earth.  The Animals.  Quite simply put, the Earth can ascend no further unless we make peace with the Animal Kingdom.  We have to take into OUR consciousness the fact that in a Fifth Dimensional World we are all connected and related, and that means that we can no longer abuse and destroy without acknowledging that it is ourselves that we are abusing and destroying.This awakening, and this recognition, and ultimately this raising of consciousness has been centered on Africa.  Why?  Well, for several reasons.  Probably the most evident is that Africa is the only continent that still has a large wild life population, but which is now under extreme threat.  Secondly, Africa is the continent that is the focus of the Sirius Project, which is the clear guidance and love of the Sirian Master Teachers from the Sirius Star System. That influence extends from Egypt in the North to South Africa in the South.

Solstice June 21st and “Calling the Animals 

At this year’s Solstice celebrations, I was guided by Archangel Michael to call for a Global Meditation on “Calling the Animals”.  The purpose of this was to call the animals to us and to express to them our desire that they should come with us into the New Earth and be part of our New Earth Reality.
I did not realize at that point how crucial it was to the whole Ascension project that would make this expression of intent to our fellow brothers and sisters on the Earth!
Further, I also was shown how the Animals are not inferior forms of life, but are also “Star Seeds”, gifts from the Creative Beings who are our Galactic and Cosmic Family.  If we could not honor our Animal Family, how could we honor the Galactic and Cosmic Family who had gifted these Life Forms to our Planet.
As it happened, I was also invited to attend a Ceremony in the far North of South Africa at an ancient Stone Circle.  This site was located on the “Nile” meridian and also on the borders of South Africa, Swaziland and Mozambique.  Just to the North was the Kruger National Park, our biggest wildlife sanctuary, and beyond that, Zimbabwe.
And so it was that I was privileged to be with a large group of people as we “Called the Animals” from the Sacred Circle that we had  created around the main standing stones. I remember quite clearly calling the Lion of the North.  In our circle, North was towards Kruger and Zimbabwe, home of Cecil the Lion who was to be a major player in this unfolding wave of energy.
I did specifically call the White Lions as the Spirit Keepers of Africa, to be the guardians of the North.  It was also interesting, that our Ceremony was visited by two large Crows, who as messengers of the Spirit world carried our intentions into the Spirit Realms.

Cecil the Lion and the Royal Lions of Sirius

And so it was that the message was received by the Spirit Keepers of Africa, and the Royal Lions of Sirius.

Now, perhaps I should explain how very important Lions are in the Sirian teachings.
In the creation story, the Prime Creator known as Amun-Ra, gives birth to two beings who are called Shu and Tefnut.  They are the original Masculine and Feminine energies, and Tefnut who is the Feminine, is always depicted as a Lioness Headed Woman.  Lion/ess energy is Sacred to the Sirians, it is a manifestation of the Divine Creative Essence.
And so it is that in Africa, where the Sirius energy is strongest on the Planet, that the Lions came to be the Spirit Keeper of the Continent.  And it was there, in the Spirit Council of the White Lions, that our call was heard.  And so it was decided that a Noble Lion would be needed to bring to Humanity the message of the Lions and the call to “Family” in the New Earth.
And so it was that Cecil, the noble Lion of Hwange, was called to carry the role of the Sacred Path of the Lion King.

Now while this is a beautiful story, it also does not hide the fact that every day Lions are hunted, poached and killed in Africa, and that the death of  Cecil was not a “demanded sacrifice” but an illustration of what is befalling all lions in Africa, and ultimately, all animals on Earth.
The purpose of the very public killing of Cecil the Lion was to bring the energy of the Lion into the Collective Consciousness just at the very moment when the Sun was in Leo and we were approaching a very crucial Ascension Moment in the Lions  Gate of 2015, the 8/8/8.
It was to make Humanity aware of what was happening to the lions and to the animals on the Earth.  To remind Humanity of their mission to love and hold the animals and their purpose of recreating the Garden on the New Earth so that All Life Forms could be present.
And it was to make us aware that our Star Nation brothers and sisters, especially the Sirians, were here present with us in this work.  The powerful energies of the Lion’s Gate are assisting the Planet through the Gateways of Time and into the Higher Dimensions that are guarded by the Royal Sirian Lions of Yesterday and Tomorrow.

leadsiri8/8/8 : The Lion’s Gate and Beyond 

The Lion’s Gate of 2015 on the 8th of August is the culmination of an Ascension Wave that will lift the planet into the highest frequencies of Luminosity that have yet been achieved on Earth!
On the 8th of August, the Royal Sirian Lions will be on hand in the Spirit Realm to be the assistants at this wonderful moment of Ascension and Birthing for the Planet. We can be sure too, that Cecil the Lion will be there in Soul/Spirit form, to watch over the final stages of the story that he had such a part in creating.
From this moment forward, the Animals will step into their sovereignty and will become our fellow citizens of the New Earth.
This will create a radical shift in consciousness that will challenge all that we believe about love and compassion and the way in which we embody these essential energies.
We will be required to shift from a society that believes that Humanity is central and that everything on the Planet is simply “resources” to be consumed, to a society that acknowledges the Unity of a Family of Living Beings sharing a common home and a common destiny.
This is the Great Shift we need to make if the Earth is to continue to ascend into her true Destiny as a Planet of Love and Compassion.
Celia Fenn by