nearly one year ago, on February 08th 2016, I shared with you this post called “A Collection of True Awakening Experiences II”, which was a Free E-Book project inspired by the wonderful Barbara Franken – to bring together the stories of many female voices, and their unique experiences on the path to authenticity and truthfulness. I did so, because I love projects that are born from collaborations, I saw a big chance to inspire lots of other women and men, and because I was giving myself a blessing for my birthday – which is the 8th of February.
This year I will make another leap into the unknown, and record an interview that I was invited to by the lovely team of the awakening platform “The Spiritual Voice”. I will let you know for sure, when the talk goes online!! But in the meantime I did not want us to miss out on a review of the past year, and the steps I was able to make.
In what I posted for 2016, I spoke about the last ten year of my personal path of growth and enlightenment, and the dreams I have for the year that back than was lying ahead of me. Looking now at all the leaps and turns that I have taken in the meantime, I first of all feel like expressing my gratitude to my wonderful spirit guides, my loving dog family, my magnificent friends and all the other wonderful creatures, from the physical as from the non physical realm, for making my life such a magical ride of light and fun.
The Tarot Deck that I was talking about before, is developing beautifully. It is demanding a lot of attention and seams to have a very clear picture of how it want’s to be brought to light. I try to be the best immaculate mother to it, that I possibly can be, just follow all the corners the flow is taking and watch the tables turn. With my personal work load, I am about 1/3 in – my partner is very inspired in her painting process, and so we hope to be ready for publishing by the end of the year.
But not only that this baby is developing just fine, in the meantime I was inspired by international world events, with the idea for a book about creativity in 2017; as this is one of the major energy fields this year is powered with. My partner and I, also started talking about the value of a book about the creative process itself, as it is quite fascinating how deeply we are called to listen to the constant changes the deck is demanding from us. We have to be awake, present and willing to serve, when ever we sit down and concentrate on sharing what we receive.
I also still adore my income work. Every time I AM spending hour with another being in a one on one training, I feel like another wonderful seed has been brought into blossoming. To have the chance and watch people go from the insecure thought of “am I crazy to think of feel a certain way”, to self-acceptance, self-love and forgiveness – which than leads for them to strength, stability and clarity in their guidance; is always a rise in my own inner degree of divine bliss.
And than, as the end or the ultimate test for every awakening seeker – there is of course the lovely family. I went back home to visit my core family during the summertime of 2016. Oh what a ride it was!! I started of with meeting good friends of mine, who had invited me to come by at their house and do some magnificent energy work with them, which I happily did. I spend several days with this closer circle of very like minded people, than I went to meet my mother. Now you need to know that karmically my mother is the only significant person o my system. She turned 85 last year and is in general in good shape, but what I noticed was a change in mindset.
When I was a child, my mother was a woman who would work and push thru every physical pain you can possibly imagine. She did so to such an extend, that I actually all my life considered her very cruel (a mix of her personal history and as well one of the B-Sides of her numerological vibration of 18/9). Maybe also because one day I had watched her slip with the ax – cut deeply into her meaty knee – take a deep inbreathe, than simply remove the ax – slip a bandage on and continue. As a little child, that was a shocker to me!
And now this same woman is talking about how normal it is to feel physical pain all the time, when you are of her age; how normal it is to not want to engage with life and seriously talk anymore, when you are of her age; and a lot about her loving connection to my beloved brother Martin, who died on Valentines Day 2011. I occasionally talk with my brother too, but I do not share any of her mindsets about aging or the physical body, and even that I did not mention that – my mother was triggered by vibration.
During this Vienna visit, I took many more trips to my mothers house, in order to spend at least 2-3hours the day with her; an amount of time I thought she would be able to handle without exploding on me in one way or the other. I have to confess that I overestimated her much more than I could even ever had imagined in my darkest childhood hatred ;-). The pattern of freak outs ended up with a frequency of 3-4 days, in which i watched her build up her frustration about “not being able to understand my world”, and than unloading this frustration in my presence.
I was fine with that, as I had sensed in my first week of traveling, that I possibly would not come back for a very long time – which also included a big chance that I would not meet her alive again – so I saw it as my last chance for a personal service to our relationship. Now let’s be honest, with today’s technology even long-term physical distance would not make any difference to a family that is close, but in our family the principle of war against everything that is bigger than the single ones imagination was “the word”.On my last day of meeting with family members, I came to my mothers house in a state of deep sadness about my brothers absolutely ignorant behavior, and even more the abuse he showed for the brotherhood laws for the Golden Age of Aquarius (a collective human theme, that always sets off my inner alarm system when I see people breaking the hermetic laws). That is something, I can not explain to my mom – and she is not good in holding space for other peoples pain. I tried to avoid a last clash and asked her for some time and space on her balcony, to deal with my own feelings and left for a little conscious breathing session.
But than – like I said – she is not good in handling that other people insist on having feelings ;-). She exploded over the fact that I would allow myself to come to her house, in a state of need for myself – and not perfectly poised and ready to chit-chat with her. In a moment of totally loosing it, she screamed at me “in your presence I cut all my feelings off”; to later tell me in confidence, that she also thinks of me as “the Angel of Death” – because both, my brother and my father died, when I had visited my family. It took me about five month to understand and integrate the details, of how this moment of my life was an incredible blessing.
Time to realize, that the tapestry of this ultimate rejection, that had grown from the moment on I started building my little fetus body in her womb, would unveil the last karmic strings to me that had connected us. By now, a “freedom to naturally BE ME” is the domineering feeling in my life.
Last week I had the pleasure to receive a reading of my personal Maya Calender interpretation from a dear new friend of mine, the amazing artist Gerhild Resch. She has the amazing ability to channel in a shamanic journey, how the different qualities of ones inner powers are feeling and if they are in need of any adaptations. I will happily report about the incredible details she unveiled to me in another post, but lets just say a little right now. Her explanations opened with telling me, that she had ever only shared a world like mine for one time before during her long experience, and that was in a reading she did for a child. The world she discovered in my sacred heart, was in her words that of “Alice in Wonderland” ;-), and that is just how I feel my life to be.
Dear Ones, I recently ended a piece with the following words: “I hope you are filled with a spark of inspiration right now, that you are motivated to remember the wonderfully relaxed ways in which you have been playfully creating as a child, and that you will allow them to guide you to a new mindset. No matter if you are planing to become the most important innovator of the Golden Age of Aquarius, or if you are just looking for new ideas to create your personal life, a playful approach is always helpful”. And believe me when I am saying with all my heart “I acknowledge what an incredibly blessed being I AM, to look at what I just shared with you and realize – I myself have very well followed my sparkling advice ;-)”!
Love and Blessings!
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