Women do you truly see a “Good Man”? Questions from a Conscious Seeker…

5423d226db3b6b2e3dc89480e816220aDear Friends,
I really loved reading this article!! Again a conscious man truly spend time thinking about what is going on in our relationships. To me, he came of quite angry at the beginning, but I love his conclusion. In my work with couples I saw quite often women taking the emotional high horse, in the believe that simple being female makes them the better being ;-).. Nice try sisters…  I also found it very interesting that he addressed the issue of women often not being able to hold space for the vulnerability of their partner, even when they express to desire an emotional man. That is an issue ladies!! One we collectively have to address! We can not call for equality with or partner and than not give him the space to experience, live and show all his deeper feelings… that’s a natural contradiction!
I think that first we, the women of the world need to be clear in our inner understanding of our individual “Good Man”, than we will be able to recognize him on the street!
Again this is a piece send to me by a reader, unfortunately without name of the author. I bless him for this little wake up call to all humanity, to become the partners we desire to meet! Such a valuable read for men and women – to good to keep to myself!!

Love and Blessings from me!!
EdithaaThe other day I was speaking to my friend about the realities of dating and relationships today. It only takes a glimpse into the interactions on any relationship article or Instagram love quote, to see there are far more women reading and striving to improve their relationships than men.
This isn’t just true in the realm of social media. Women are the consumers of far more articles and books regarding bettering themselves in love. Whereas, we as men, are more open and willing to read a book on how to be a better leader, how to pick up women or manipulate our way through life. Many of these books, I’m reluctant to admit, have had a comfortable life on my shelf.
The line between work and home and how we behave is vague at best. As men, do we not see that the way we behave in romantic relationships and family systems is a form of leadership and teamwork too? That the way we are at home can translate to how we show up at work, and vice versa?
In addition, women are often a much more accurate barometer of the emotional state of relationships. Just think about the percentage of times a man says, “I want to talk about us” or “Things just seem off, I was hoping we could have a chat about how we’re doing.” Male-initiated emotional conversations are few and far between. And this is even further supported by the mere fact that about two thirds of divorces are set in motion by women.
If we were to survey most established romantic relationships, it wouldn’t take long before we would see that men can exist in a relationship that is not necessarily amazing, but not bad either. Kind of like a “good enough to stay and not bad enough to leave” situation. I don’t mean all men, but most men. And when a woman finally leaves that’s when he says, “Wait!? I didn’t even realize things were bad! You never even tried!”
Oh yes. She did. And we were not listening, and maybe she was not saying it the right way. Or maybe no one taught us how to maintain a great relationship.role_modelIn order for men to thrive in relationships, good men need to teach good men.

However, with women there is a belief that they have an inherent ability to thrive in relationships and there is a pervasive arrogance to the messages regarding their emotional intelligence and capacity for love. One needs to only survey a couple of women before you’ll hear the commonly uttered phrase, “There are no good men out there.”
It’s a provocative thought isn’t it? Are there enough good men for good women?
To move forward there is a need to define the idea of what makes a “good man” and what makes a “good woman”?
We could argue that a good man is one who shows integrity, honesty, the qualities of good fatherhood, supportive, empathy, and is kind in his words and offers fidelity. This is going to be defined a little differently by each person, but for sake of argument we can/will assume this is what makes men inherently “good”.
What defines a good woman? It’s likely very similar to what makes for a good man, except for the ever important caveat of women having different genitalia. What makes a good women seems controversial to even discuss, doesn’t it? Because we usually just assume that on average women are the “good ones”, don’t we?
It sounds insulting to state “There are no good women out there” as indicates that women on average are not good. Then why is it ok to suggest that men are not good?
From what I have observed and read in the relationship world, I see that men are under the microscope when it comes to love and relationships, and women are told they are perfect at love, and that men need to step it up.

Have we truly invited men to be emotional?

Brené Brown’s research supports the idea that when a man breaks down and shares emotions with a woman, he loses her trust. His vulnerability reduces the safety his lady feels. This in turn, causes her to become angry and in some ways resent him for displaying a softer side of masculinity.
I thought we wanted emotional men? Is emotional equilibrium what we truly seek? Based on the vast majority of literature and conversations I indulge in, the mass consensus appears to be that men should be to be able to talk about how they feel.aeaSo what do women really want?

It’s no wonder men feel confused about what role they need to play in relationships. There is a disconnect between what is asked of them and what they are empowered and rewarded for being. Now, truth be told, it’s not like men everywhere are shedding tears, opening their hearts, and losing their woman because of emotional transparency. Men do not tend to share their emotions, they do not tell the women in their lives that they are upset or don’t feel loved. Men are lost, because no one taught them what being a man means, or what they are taught is patriarchal and “old fashioned”.
Brene’s research demonstrates men being their vulnerable selves may actually result in disconnection with their partner, which is the opposite result of the intention of sharing. So on each man goes, pretending that men don’t have emotions and are not good at talking about feelings. Because if he is sensitive he is a “pussy”, certainly not emotionally intelligent and aware of his emotional state. We can safely say that all those things which traditionally defined the masculine model for the last couple of centuries have been displaced, and women often find themselves making the money and decisions. We are quick to point out where men can step it up, but we do not think or discuss the idea of where women can step up their game, do we?
Women do so many things well. They show up emotionally and they create community. Women, are inherently good. They are beautifully kind, empathetic, nurturing and supportive. They build amazing social programs and have rallied to create a female empowerment movement that is unbelievably inspiring, and unbelievably needed.
There is still much oppression of the feminine, and every country and culture has a lot of work to do to have women treated with equality, and empowered and supported by all men. That’s why I think this conversation is important, because in order for women to thrive, men need to as well. I think that we are all here for connection and to share our hearts, but we cannot do it alone.39949280.cmsIt begs me to ask: Are we forgetting about men, in the effort to save women? Have we forgotten about all the good men out there through our desire not to disturb the feminine? Celebration of men and the male model is uncommon. We tend not to talk about all the amazing fathers, and unbelievably stand up men who we can call at any hour and would do anything for all the people in their lives. Because there are a lot of them.
I consider myself very fortunate to have grown up with, and really have only enjoyed the company of great men. Men of integrity and consistency in how they show up for the women and men in their lives. But, I do not think that it is rare, and it is not only my friends and athletic teammates who are like this.
Everywhere I travel I meet incredible men. I can see and find good men, because they are who I look for. Just like all the women I know are incredible, intelligent, kind and have some of the brightest souls on the planet.
The truth is, we get what we focus on. There are a lot of women who focus on their inability to find good men. I hear “There are no good men out there” from women who have emotional wounds. Women who have chosen men and ignored red flags. Women who cheat and lie to themselves and others. Women who have their own work to do.
I’m not saying men don’t have work to do. We do. And women have work to do too. It’s a human problem, not a gender problem. We, as men, need to build from within first and create conscious communities where men can learn to support and develop together. We need to teach each other, and even more importantly, we need to teach our sons how to become a good men and what that means. We need to be GREAT fathers. We need to embrace and embody the emotional skills required of us to be amazing leader in every facet of our lives. We need to show up for the women(and men) in our lives and demonstrate kindness and empathy. We need to remember and celebrate all of the men who are changing the world. We need to create a space for men to thrive, and instead of trying to destroy each other, we need to build each other up. I commend all the good men who push for change and equality. Who don’t see gender, and instead see hearts; hearts that crave connection and love.
I am so proud to be a man and to share this planet with such amazing and wonderful men.
To answer the question, “Are There Enough Good Men For Good Women?”: YES, I believe that there are more than enough good men out there.
And if this is true, it begs the next question: Are there enough good women who can hold the space for good men?

I hope this read inspired you to dig deep into your believe system and emotional body! And that this will enable you to find the very last old thought, that might have kept you from seeing a “REAL GOOD MAN”… Just like the author, I meet them everyday… They are really everywhere! It truly is a matter of focus!!
Love and Blessings
Edith

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Choose Her Everyday – Or Leave Her

x0Dear Friends,
as the last few weeks encouraged us to birth into Spiritual Warriors for love and to clear our core values around everything we truly desire, I thought this piece a nice invitation to both sexes for a personal relationship reality check. It is a beautiful and heart felt confession from a man who failed himself in love and mad his math – how not to repeat the pain. Written in honesty and clarity it deeply reminds us, that both sides are suffering when we can not really choose our partner.
After yesterdays share of A Spiritual Warriors Apology to the Feminine, I feel it a beautiful addition. Hope that all of you – who desire so, find the courage to manifest your most hidden, most loudly screaming, inner picture of new love relationships into this world!
AHO! And Blessings!
Edith
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her:
I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.
Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.
As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Everyday, for five years, I chose her a little less.
I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.coupleChoosing her would have meant focusing everyday on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more. Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her. I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.
Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years. She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.
I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her everyday, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.
Actually, I did abandon her.
By not fully choosing her everyday for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her. Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.
I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.
It’s torture for everyone.x2If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing my partner today?” If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them everyday.Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Everyday.
You do, too……   Choose wisely!!Source: Bryan Reeves