Choose Her Everyday – Or Leave Her

x0Dear Friends,
as the last few weeks encouraged us to birth into Spiritual Warriors for love and to clear our core values around everything we truly desire, I thought this piece a nice invitation to both sexes for a personal relationship reality check. It is a beautiful and heart felt confession from a man who failed himself in love and mad his math – how not to repeat the pain. Written in honesty and clarity it deeply reminds us, that both sides are suffering when we can not really choose our partner.
After yesterdays share of A Spiritual Warriors Apology to the Feminine, I feel it a beautiful addition. Hope that all of you – who desire so, find the courage to manifest your most hidden, most loudly screaming, inner picture of new love relationships into this world!
AHO! And Blessings!
Edith
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her:
I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.
Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.
As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Everyday, for five years, I chose her a little less.
I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.coupleChoosing her would have meant focusing everyday on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more. Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her. I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.
Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years. She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.
I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her everyday, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.
Actually, I did abandon her.
By not fully choosing her everyday for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her. Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.
I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.
It’s torture for everyone.x2If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“Why am I choosing my partner today?” If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them everyday.Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Everyday.
You do, too……   Choose wisely!!Source: Bryan Reeves

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How The Brain Changes When You Meditate

amDear Friends,
for meditation practitioner and spiritual seeker it is clear since a long time, that a regular practice of mindful thinking and controlled breathing, leads to a change in how we experience our world. Now also science stepped up to proof that a daily discipline, when often enough repeated, has the power to change the frequency of our brain waves. Read here what the University of Wisconsin-Madison found out so far!

Wish you healing meditations and deep insights!
Blessings Edith

Mindfulness induces Measurable Changes in the Brain

Not too long ago, most of us thought that the brain we’re born with is static — that after a certain age, the neural circuitry cards we’re dealt are the only ones we can play long-term.
Fast-forward a decade or two, and we’re beginning to see the opposite: the brain is designed to adapt constantly. World-renowned neuroscientist Richie Davidson at the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, along with his colleagues, want us to know three things:

  1. you can train your brain to change,
  2. that the change is measurable, and
  3. new ways of thinking can change it for the better.

It’s hard to comprehend how this is possible. Practicing mindfulness is nothing like taking a pill, or another fix that acts quickly, entering our blood stream, crossing the Blood Brain Barrier if needed in order to produce an immediate sensation, or to dull one.
But just as we learn to play the piano through practice, the same goes for cultivating well-being and happiness. Davidson told Mindful last August that the brain keeps changing over its entire lifespan. And he thinks that’s very good news:

We can intentionally shape the direction of plasticity changes in our brain. By focusing on wholesome thoughts, for example, and directing our intentions in those ways, we can potentially influence the plasticity of our brains and shape them in ways that can be beneficial. That leads us to the inevitable conclusion that qualities like warmheartedness and well-being should best be regarded as skills.

Davidson adds that research on neuro-plasticity gives neuroscientists a framework for tracking meditation research. And CIHM is beginning to see that “even short amounts of practice,” like 30 minutes of meditation per day, “can induce measurable changes in the brain” that can be tracked on a brain scanner.Awaken-your-master-powers-of-the-soul30 minutes of meditation per day can induce measurable changes in the brain

Based on recent research, I’ve chosen to share four ways your brain may change when you practice mindfulness:

  • Anterior Cingulate Cortex: Increased grey matter changes were noted in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which is a structure located behind the brain’s frontal lobe. It has been associated with such functions as self-regulatory processes, including the ability to monitor attention conflicts, and allow for more cognitive flexibility.
  • Prefrontal Cortex: Increased grey matter density was also found in areas of the prefrontal lobe, which are primarily responsible for executive functioning such as planning, problem solving, and emotion regulation.
  • Hippocampus: Increased cortical thickness in the hippocampus has also been noted. The hippocampus is the part of the limbic system that governs learning and memory, and is extraordinarily susceptible to stress and stress-related disorders like depression or PTSD.

Decreased Amygdala Size

Studies have shown that the amygdala, known as our brain’s “fight or flight” center and the seat of our fearful and anxious emotions, decreases in brain cell volume after mindfulness practice.

Diminished or enhanced functionality in certain networks/connections

Not only does the amygdala shrink post mindfulness practice, but the functional connections between the amygdala and the pre-frontal cortex are weakened. This allows for less reactivity, and also paves the way for connections between areas associated with higher order brain functions to be strengthened (i.e. attention, concentration, etc.).

MeditatorThe brain changes when you meditate

Reduced activity in the Brain’s “Me” Center

Mindfulness practice has been implicated in the decreased activation and the stilling of our Default Mode Network (DMN), which is also sometimes referred to as our wandering “Monkey Minds.” The DMN is active when our minds are directionless as it goes from thought to thought, a response that is sometimes likened to rumination and not always adaptive with regards to overall happiness.
The impact that mindfulness exerts on our brain is borne from routine: a slow, steady, and consistent reckoning of our realities, and the ability to take a step back, become more aware, more accepting, less judgmental, and less reactive. Just as playing the piano over and over again over time strengthens and supports brain networks involved with playing music, mindfulness over time can make the brain, and thus, us, more efficient regulators, with a penchant for pausing to respond to our worlds instead of mindlessly reacting.

WORDS BY JENNIFER WOLKIN
Source: http://upliftconnect.com/brain-changes-when-you-meditate/

Choose Her Everyday (Or Leave Her)

Dear Friends,
this is a beautiful and heart felt article from a man who failed himself in love and mad his math – how not to repeat the pain. Written in honesty and clarity it gives a clear picture that both sides are suffering, when we can not really choose our partner. As since yesterday the star constellation Venus is retrograde, inviting us to clear our core values around everything we love and deeply desire in our life, I thought it a nice invitation to both sexes for a personal reality check. So close to the lion’s gate the energies are fiery, raw and deep!! 
Hope for all of you – who desire so, to find the courage and manifest your most hidden, most internally screaming, most satisfying picture of new love relationships into this world!
AHO! And Blessings! Edith

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.
I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.
Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.
As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Everyday, for five years, I chose her a little less.
I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing everyday on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.

Emotional SpiralI was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.
She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.
To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.
I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her everyday, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.
Actually, I did abandon her.
By not fully choosing her everyday for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.
Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.
I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.
It’s torture for everyone.
If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:
download
“Why am I choosing my partner today?”
If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”
If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them everyday.
Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Everyday.
You do, too.

Choose wisely.

Source: https://bryanreeves.com/choose-her-everyday-or-leave-her/

Putting mindfulness in the curriculum

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Wow, I can’t believe how much fear people express about teaching their children a little bit of mindful awareness. It sounds like, who believes in organized religion, feels threatened by people who choose to think for themselves.  Personally I think, it would be a blessing for everyone if children get attuned to hearing their inner voice as early as possible in life. Let your children breath!!!
Blessings Edith

TREE HUGGERS: Jack Barlow and Lucy Srzich ‘breathing’ with a plant to help calm themselves.
Lucy says a ‘‘lot of people were giggling’’ when they first tried mindfulness.

Jack Barlow wonders if “neophyte” is in the classroom dictionary (it isn’t). He queries if Charles next to him knows there are more than 120 meanings for “set” (he doesn’t).
It’s thoughts like these that “race” through young Jack’s busy mind. But the 11-year-old is doing his best to concentrate as one of 20 students staring intently at a man, perched like a grasshopper, brandishing a golden stick and bowl in a classroom at Westmere Primary school in central Auckland. Legs crossed, arms folded – out of habit, not instruction – they wait for him to stir the stick. A ringing echoes; everyone inhales.

It’s not easy. Sitting completely still never is at that age. Morning tea is 20 minutes away. Yet students must concentrate on their arms, legs and “deep belly breathing.”

1416129208576 (1)“When your mind wanders,” drones instructor Grant Rix, “gently say ‘wandering’.” Then: “notice the sensations in your feet.”

Westmere Primary School has been part of the Mental Health Foundation’s (MHF) Mindfulness in Schools programme for two years. The trials, lasting eight weeks, included five other schools, four from Auckland and one in rural Southland, and the early results are promising.
Teachers kept journal entries on the progress of the 20-minute lessons and a survey three months later assessed the potential long-term impact, with researchers from Auckland University and the Auckland University of Technology studying the results.
“We found it improved students’ self-control, attentiveness, respect for other classmates and enhanced the school’s mood,” says Rix. It was beneficial for teachers too – many reported reduced stress in their personal lives.

descargaRix – the man with the golden stick and bowl – works for the MHF and has been practising mindfulness for 15 years. He developed mindfulness in schools after seeing similar trials overseas.
And the benefits were plentiful, according to Teck Wee, a teacher at another participating primary school, Te Papapa, who reported gradual change in students as the programme continued: “They were thinking more about how their own behaviour affected situations, rather than how other kids’ behaviour was affecting them.”
He recalls one troublesome student who would run, swear, fight, attack teachers and was academically two years behind.
“Mindfulness has given him some anger management strategies and cleared up his thought process. Now where he gets angry he’s not just sorry, but he talks about what he did wrong and what he will do next time.”

So why is mindfulness the latest buzzword among the US marines, rapper 50 Cent, a group of British MPs (all of whom practise mindfulness) and yoga mums alike? It’s less a buzzword, explains Rix, and more about getting rid of buzz.
It’s a tricky concept but at its simplest mindfulness is about focusing on the present. What it’s not about is only reducing stress (because then you’re striving for something). Or emptying your mind of all thoughts (they prefer you to observe your current ones). Or religion.

descarga (1)The technique draws on breathing exercises often used in meditation and Buddhism, but there the comparison ends. The aim is to be more aware of thoughts and feelings.
It sounds deceptively vague and hippie-ish but, stresses Rix, this isn’t about chanting and spirituality.
Not everyone is onside. The Ministry of Education received five formal complaints from parents at Riversdale School in the South Island after their principal proposed introducing mindfulness classes.
Katrina Casey, head of sector enablement and support at the MOE, says mindfulness shares some characteristics with Buddhism but isn’t specifically tied to the religion.
“There has been growing interest from schools in the technique. Earlier this year the Secondary Principals’ Association of New Zealand had a guest speaker talk about mindfulness at their annual conference.
“We do not advocate one behaviour management programme over another and we did not commission the Mental Health Foundation’s programme [it was funded by donations]. However, it’s not uncommon for teachers to encourage students to reflect on their behaviour.”

descarga (2)Other schools, she says, are trialling the ‘My Friends’ youth resilience programme as part of a wider, multi-agency initiative aimed at supporting student mental health and wellbeing.
“Schools have a lot of flexibility on all decisions relating to the curriculum and how they encourage good behaviour. Any school is free to introduce such a practice, if backed by its board of trustees in consultation with the school community.”
The modern mindfulness movement, says Rix, is equally informed by neuroscience and psychology.
“It’s nothing new for a secular society to adopt practices from elsewhere and then to study them scientifically, validate and integrate them into secular context.
“It’s a misconception,” he says of the complaints. “But people are entitled to their own views.”

Various district health boards across New Zealand use an eight-week mindfulness course to treat severely depressed or anxious patients. Evidence suggests mindfulness can improve people’s ability to handle stress and alleviate depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress and eating disorders.
Overseas, in 2011 Jacob Piet and Esben Hougaard of Aarhus University, Denmark, published a review of the eight-week course in Clinical Psychology Review.
After six clinical trials with 593 people, they concluded mindfulness-based therapy reduced the risk of relapse for patients with at least three previous incidents of depression by 43 per cent compared to people who received regular treatment. However, there were no significant benefits for people with fewer than three major incidents.

descarga (3)It sounds a simple panacea – safe, relatively cheap, no heavy objects or pills. At times it comes close to channelling New Age waffle, but Westmere Primary’s principal, Carolyn Marino, is a firm believer in the benefits.
“There’s far more anxiety among children than when I first started teaching,” she reflects on her 20-year career. “More children have social and emotional disorders as a result of our society.
“Life isn’t as predictable as it used to be and parents are putting pressure on their children – not necessarily on purpose – but questioning if they’re working hard enough to get that job.”
Marino’s received no complaints – parents who had doubts were swayed after an information evening and now some indulge in mindfulness with their children after nightmares.
“Children live in this digital age where they are constantly being got at and don’t have enough down time to get away from that stimulus. Mindfulness gives them a strategy that helps them be a little more present.”
With so much on our minds at any given time we function regularly on autopilot. We don’t think about the physical and mental process that goes into, say, climbing a set of stairs and rightly so – we’d take forever to get anywhere.

meditateSuch mindlessness is why we often walk into a room forgetting our initial purpose or fail to remember what happened on a three hour journey. Mindfulness teaches us to be present rather than distracted by the past or projecting into the future.
So a mindfulness exercise could be having a shower. Instead of thinking about how your day was or what you need to do, simply notice what’s going on – the floor is wet, the air is steamy, the water hot and so on. Don’t judge if it’s a good or bad shower. Just notice it.
The principles and practice of “mindful leadership” are taught at Harvard; and Oxford University has its own Mindfulness Centre carrying out research into clinical and general health benefits.
Recently the World Health Organisation warned that by 2030 mental health issues will have become society’s biggest healthcare burden.
“This is going to come to a state where [mindfulness in schools] isn’t a luxury – it will have to be a necessity,” says Marino. “I worry about the mental health of our children and the society we’re moving into. The sense of risking failure is very prevalent; the need to be perfect is becoming increasingly obvious in young children.”
Eleven year old Lucy Srzich has taken such a liking for the programme that the time the CD malfunctioned, she led the class.
She was hesitant at first, and some of her friends thought the programme sounded silly. That first session, “a lot of people were giggling,” she says. But she was won over, as were her friends and parents who “researched it and then they were into it”.
Srzich continues to use mindful breathing when she is flustered or angry and needs a moment to calm down.
At the end of 20 minutes’ deep-belly breathing, Rix invites the class to share feedback. “It was just normal, yeah . . .” shrugs one student. Another is more receptive: “I feel like the square around me came out of the ground and floated in the air” he explains, to a flurry of giggles.

imagesA common theme was the light, calm, fresh and relaxed feeling most students notice. If anything, mindfulness is doing wonders for their vocabulary. One explains: “I feel relaxed and calm every time I do this. I notice if I’m feeling worried and I never notice that when I’m playing, then it just builds up until I can’t calm down.”
Another chimes in: “It feels like the world stops spinning; I feel more of the little things.”
Marino took a mindfulness course herself when she was finding her early years as a principal stressful.

“It would be great if every child could be exposed to it as a strategy they could implement into their daily lives,” she argues. “What a great time to start. We try to get kids eating healthier and exercising, setting up those behaviours early on. Young people always seem to be looking into the future or something that isn’t necessarily their reality.
“We often work with our children on anger management strategies around breathing and taking anger out on things that are non-animate – telephone books, for example. This is a nice strategy for kids who might have issues with needing to get back to a place where they can make a sensible decision before they punch somebody.”

92Rix agrees. The biggest feedback from both students and teachers is that it has become easier to identify emotions.
“They’re beginning to recognise how that manifests in their body as a physical sensation and understand what they’re feeling is going to pass. They’ve got this skill where they can drop anchor by paying attention to their breathing and just allow that anger to diffuse in a healthy way rather than lashing out.”
Next year he plans to extend the programme to intermediate schools. The final results of the study will be published early in the new year and Rix hopes they will persuade the Ministry of Education to invest.
It’s not quantitative stuff that can be measured in tests, says Marino, but it’s a building block.
“If you give kids enough exposure and skills they start to build a toolkit and that’s where I see mindfulness sitting. You’re not going to change kids overnight but you can create a shift in how they see themselves or deal with things that come into their lives.”

At the end of the course, children are encouraged to bring in something that will encourage them to practise mindfulness.
Soft toys are popular; one girl brings in a pink fluffy cushion, saying that whenever she cuddles it she practises mindful breathing.
“Others bring in mind jars they have made,” says Rix. “Sometimes a little pebble. Pieces of fruit are popular as well.”
Rix quotes a colleague who worked with a student from a difficult background who had trouble controlling his emotions.
“He was so taken with breathing with the green plants that he came and sat next to the plants I had in the chapel at the end of class, closed his eyes and observed his breathing for several more minutes.
“He asked me if he could take one to keep in his room.”

Source; http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/63216075/Putting-mindfulness-in-the-curriculums