What Differentiates Being Sexually Dominated From Being Abused

17lu7bfxzx0btjpgby Edith Boyer-Telmer

Dear Friends,
over the last few month I shared a lot of posts about human sexuality; the changing sexual paradigm within the collective human awakening process; the role of tantra and tantric principles in this collective transformation; what impact it has on men when they watch porn on a regular level; the brave sharing of a brother who decided “no longer procrasturbating his life away“; the passionate call of a beautiful soul to become goddamn warriors for authentic love again, and how the collective cleansing of the first chakra has changed human kind on a sexual level forever; and even what to be aware of to identify a spiritual sexual predator.
And now this article was send to me, unfortunately I don’t know the author, bringing up the important question in differentiation between a chosen, sexually dominating encounter and an abusive situation. It can be hard to know if you’re being abused or if your own behavior is abusive. One may think that a ruff way to approach sexuality is “just natural” and the other might experience it as abusive. For some a little physical pain or sexually threatening words are not abuse, for others it might scare the living daylight out of them.
Also sexual abuse does not always start in the bedroom. For example monitoring the partner in what ever he/she is doing, consciously limiting the partners time or possibilities to talk to members of the other sex and even, overly strong control of how the other spends his/her money, can be part of a sexual abusive, dominant behavior. Sometimes a relationship might not be abusive, but it might have serious problems that in the moment make it unhealthy to sexually interact with another. Who ever you are with, in a health relationship you should be to be yourself, to take care of yourself and feeling like your partner supports you as you are.fightbackRead here what the conscious brother has to share about his personal discoveries:
Much discussion, and with it a lot of disagreement on the matter, is whether women enjoy being “taken”. The fantasy of a man coming into their room and grabbing them, throwing them against a wall, and fucking them senseless is a common fantasy. Other women with past trauma of various kinds react to the above paragraph and call it abuse.
So what is a man to do? On one hand we are told women wants a “bad boy” with confidence bordering on arrogance. In the same breath, we hear we are to be the sensitive man in tune with his feelings, understanding the needs of women. It isn’t that complicated; I am discovering. (I didn’t say women aren’t complicated, the study of this fairer sex is never ending and a life-long pursuit which shall never be fully completed). However, knowing what a woman wants is not something that we should EVER cross over into being abusive. Confident, sexy, strong, and aggressive may, depending on the woman you are with, be a huge part of your relationship, but crossing over to where the woman doesn’t feel safe is never something any man should ever do, and in so doing claim ignorance.
You know. Period. It’s in her eyes.You can read trust in a woman’s eyes like a grade three book. It’s there in black and white, written for you to see. She will project it to you even in the most erotic situations. Look deep in her eyes, and read what she is writing for you. Sometimes, she will want you to man up and grab her; some want it rough and with a sense of you proclaiming your dominance over her at that moment. Other times, she wants you to look into her eyes, and just caress her cheek, nothing more. Kisses, love and tenderness. For some women, other times it’s begging to be slapped on the ass. How do you read the signs? If you are new to this and have never played a more dominant role, have an honest discussion.aAsk her!
And not when you are both wound up like a top sexually and ready to fuck each other, but when you are sitting over a cup of coffee. Ask her what her fantasies are. Ask her specifically if she has ever imagined being taken. Blindfolded or dominated in any way. You may be surprised. It’s not every woman’s fantasy, but it is for more women than you may think. Woman want to be desired, deeply wanted for their body, their mind, their soul. They want a warrior to conquer them. They want a real man to “want” them so bad they see lust and desire in your eyes. And in the midst of all of this, they must feel safe and loved. Why is the rape fantasy still one of the highest ranking fantasies for a woman? I believe it is precisely this. A woman wants to be wanted.
They desire a strong man who owns his masculinity unashamedly, yet with a deep respect for her femininity. She wants to feel that your eyes are staring at her body with lust; that when you are caressing her it means something so much deeper. That if they trust you enough to tie them up and spank their ass, it is not because they love to feel pain necessarily, but because it speaks to the desire you have to dominate them in a way that, in a circular way, has them really in charge of your desire. Focused completely and un-distracted on them and their sexuality. Where the line must never, ever, be crossed is going to a point where she doesn’t feel safe or has crossed into the world that makes her feel you are taking, and she has not given permission. There is no excuse for abuse. Ever.

Ever.
Tricky, yes. A scene in lovemaking might look the same between two people on two different days, and one day it is true loving sex, and the same scene a day later may be abuse. The difference? Permission and trust. And both of these are in her eyes. Look deeply. You will know. So to myself and all men: man up and consume your lady. That might mean chains and leather, or it might mean a hot tub with wine. Ask the hard questions, and be ready to explore a little outside of your comfort zone. You might be surprised to what levels your sexual enjoyment might reach.h

Dear Ones, I have to say I really like this piece. I enjoy the way how honest the author is and also many of his details are close to my personal and professional experience. One thing is for sure, female sexuality can only unfold in its true beauty and depths, when we feel desired, safe and truly seen as who we are… but than, maybe man actually feel that way too?? I would love to hear about your ecperience!!!
Deep Love, Blessings & Safe Sex ;-)!!
Edith

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3 comments on “What Differentiates Being Sexually Dominated From Being Abused

  1. Pingback: What A Bi-Sexual Woman Learned From Dating Women Who Have Been Raped | New Beginnings Guatemala

  2. Pingback: How To Attract A Relationship Partner For The Golden Age – Thru Inner Clarity | New Beginnings Guatemala

  3. Pingback: Mars Retrograde – Healing the Divine Masculine & The Twin Flame Fire | New Beginnings Guatemala

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