Here are some simple steps to start with:
1. Ask yourself what you need
Our collective world is so full of mixed signals about sexuality, it is hard for the most untrained people to truly feel their own sexuality. Billboards are selling us daily just about every product on earth, thru sexual expression or presentation of their models – while for example breast feeding in public is considered “out of order” in most western societies. Well thing is, the true capacity of physical satisfaction the human sexuality has, unfolds only when we are feeling safe, feeling heard, feeling seen in our wholeness, and respected in our boundaries! And how could that possible happen, if we don’t know this details first?
2. Practice Deep Breathing
I recommend before you do any practice exchange with your partner or people you know, practice for a little while the art of conscious breathing separated from another. That will give you a good foundation to start with. If your practice goes as far as physical love making, get in the habit of slowing down and resonating with your partner by breathing together first. Conscious sexuality is not about the orgasm. It’s not even about intercourse. When we focus our attention on the breath, we move out of a goal oriented, physical process and into a more ‘feeling state’ connected to the subtle, non-linear, energetic body.3. Agree on the Ground Rules
Prior to entering into a sexual relationship, have a conscious dialogue around basics such as sexually transmitted diseases, what type of birth control you’ll use and even what happens if you do get pregnant. Also speak about the difference in how it feels to practice sexuality with or without condom. And decide from there, how you will create your encounters. If you find yourself having trouble discussing touchy subjects with your partner, it’s a strong indication that there is not enough care, friendship, emotional connection or psychological development between you. In other words, if you can’t be honest about your needs or truth, ask yourself why? And if you than really feel safe enough to explore and expand your own inner world, while being in the presence of this person.
I hope this little set of insights allowed you to see that in traditional Tantra the focus is not at all on sexuality, but on the unification of body, mind, soul & spirit under consideration of the internal divine feminine and divine masculine existence. With some devotion and practice it can become your individual link to your personal divine guidance and even beyond, to a conscious manifestation of your souls deepest dreams and desire. Maybe a post of simple exercises to start with will follow in the coming days, in case I feel inspired by your responds ;-). See if you can get in touch with feeling inspired by “THE NEW”… just approach it as a game… there is no right or wrong, just personal authentic truth of what we really feel and need.
Love and Blessings